Tiger Woods’ Vanilla Dilemma
Perhaps the problem is the premise from which we operate.
Americans have been conditioned to equate “morality” with a lack of sexuality. We accord principle to monogamy, and we have tied the concepts together as if one relies upon the other. That premise is faulty.
This past week Tiger Woods (no relation) found himself in the public eye for too frequent use of his “other” putter. In what is apparently a succession of extra marital affairs, my namesake has succumb to the temptation that accompanies celebrity, and done exactly what the preponderance of the married male population would have done. He had sex outside the confines of his marriage with a series of available, wanting, ridiculously attractive women.
…And America is Aghast!
What we all should be angry about is that upon entering the failing institution of marriage, that the vast majority of us do so under false pretenses. We start out lying to one another as to our collective ability to suppress our natural inclinations. From the moment we meet. We feel compelled to try to convince one another that we are capable of physical monogamy, when statistics, not to mention the tabloids tell us that is simply not true. Yet tradition compels us to try.
We lie as a matter of course.
Had Tiger been honest from the beginning, and told his wife that although he loves her, he didn’t think that he could physically forsake all others until death do them part (let alone the next couple of months) …this entire fiasco would have been avoided. Granted, if she were uncomfortable with the concept of an “open marriage” she may have balked at the prospect, but still, all that would have meant is that they came to the realization they are at right now without all of the lies, and the pain that comes with it. But in his mind he felt that having a wife meant being dishonest.
In the circles he travels, he was probably right.
We have been conditioned to believe that infidelity occurs when two people become involved intimately when betrothed to others… truth reveals that before two people can begin to share extra marital affection there has to be a clandestine desire, and a series of lies. The reality is that betrayal begins with all of the deceptions and omissions up to, and including the act of sex. Both Tiger and Elin Woods were party to the same series of lies. They began a pattern of dishonesty the moment they met. In that regard, they are no different from anyone else.
The inherent pretense we are taught regarding adult interaction is often our undoing.
But the institution that is “Vanilla Marriage” would never permit candor about sexuality, rather our collective sense of denial encourages self-deception. The only difference between the wealthy and famous as opposed to their working class counterparts is the accessibility to temptation. The reality is that when given the opportunity, most of us, both male and female stray…if not physically, then emotionally.
We can try to treat the symptoms of the epidemic of marital impropriety, but without addressing it’s foundation it will keep reoccurring. The root cause, in my opinion, is that Physical Monogamy is simply not a viable option for most people… This is why celebrity scandal is newsworthy, and why Americans feel the burning desire to judge, lest they shall be judged themselves.