Monthly Archives: May 2012

Libido Burqas

There are few subjects that both Democrats and Republicans are simultaneously dishonest about. More often than not –on items of socio/political importance– one party will affirm a viewpoint that lies within what it perceives to be most popular amongst its voting base, while the other automatically counters with the opposite position. “They’re for it, then we’re against it”, and vise-versa. But if there’s one thing that neither party are honest about –ever– it’s human sexuality.

Sex-o-phobia seems to be a bi-partisan denial of the realities of human interaction. Both parties use politically correct code regarding sex to steer the national discourse back towards the Ozzie and Harriet ideal. Neither party lives it.  No one, from either side of the aisle has ever even attempted to be honest where it concerns libertine indulgences, and simply come out and say what everyone already knows. For we humans –mammals that we are–  it’s only natural that we like to get laid.

But yet for fear of social/political/moral reprisal,  we’re made to be ashamed of our own sexual impulses. It’s like making people feel guilty for getting hungry. So our collective sexual frustration manifests itself in a uniquely American paradigm. It results in political sex scandals that shouldn’t even exist making headlines. A South Carolina Governor sneaks off to have sex with his Argentinean mistress. A New York Governor has an affair with a high end call girl. An Illinois Senator was discovered going to sex parties with his actress wife. All were forced to abandon their political careers (the latter example giving rise to a young, unknown candidate named Barak Obama).  All were made worse by the inherent dishonesty regarding sexuality.

The thing is, all of this speaks less about anyone’s ability to govern than it does about their honesty, and integrity. If our political commentary included sexual honesty, then it wouldn’t be such a crime when politicians acted human, and might allow them to be less clandestine where it concerns their bedroom practices. If we didn’t make such a big deal about sex, then perhaps it wouldn’t be such so dramatic when some Congressperson gets their rocks off.

Of course there are reasonable limits that should shape our perspectives regarding our legislators, and their sexual practices. Former Senator John Edwards knocking up his mistress behind the back of his cancer ridden wife and then hoping to hang the blame on his married friend speaks volumes about the type of person he is. The fact that Newt Gingrich has been married three times, has no bearing on his integrity, or ability to lead. However the fact that he has married two mistresses, one of whom he cheated on his dying wife with does. Anyone who uses their position –be they democrat or republican– to influence others, is a dirtbag.

Now granted, the more blatant hypocrisy seems to come from the Republican side of the aisle, as their bible thumping, gay hating,  “family values” spokespeople are continually caught with their pants down…. literally… and often in the company of same sex partners.  Seriously, how many anti-gay crusaders have to be exposed as the pillow-biting Mary’s that they truly are before their not-too-bright flocks realize that their being used as pawns in a scam that allows these duplicitous charlatans to profit from their own self loathing? Does anyone honestly believe that Marcus Bachman doesn’t have serious denial issues? For a party who are apparently against both gay, and recreational heterosexual sex, they seem obsessed with it.

But not to be outdone, the “Progressive” elements of the Democratic party have their own sexual issues to deal with. As a sex educator, and a satirist, I have had battles with more than my share of penis hating, burlap wearing bull-dykes who feign “feminism”, when what they really mean is that they resent anyone who doesn’t have to strap on their trouser tuna… or  who’ll claim to be part of the “humanism” movement, which exists insofar as it can be a means to express their gender issues, and to rationalize their awful haircuts.

The truth is, all of this sex-o-phobia, female subjugation and male cuckolding are really just a means to control thought. We all know that we have natural, libidinous impulses, yet for some reason, the national dialogue is such that we are made to feel ashamed of them. But a nation of sexually repressed, orgasm-challenged, frustrated subjugates  are easier to control. So we can argue about the economy or foreign policy all we want, but when it comes right down to it –if you listen for the hidden code on cable news– much of it amounts to little more than a metaphor for “You Libido is Naughty”.

So we need to ask ourselves, “Do we really want a governing body who censors their own ability to be honest about sex”?


Too Cool For The Room

For whatever reason, I have always been an extrovert. I’m not sure whether this trait is the product of my upbringing, if it is genetic, or  even a combination of the two… but for whatever reason, I have managed to develop a capacity to successfully engage within most social settings. This has translated in my adult years into a lifestyle conducive to experiencing things that most people only get to experience vicariously by watching TV. I have a pretty fun life. And I feel very fortunate in this regard.

As such, I have found myself in some pretty cool places. My very easy on the eyes wife have partied with porn stars. Our libertine circle of friends are affluent, and beautiful. We love going to Las Vegas, riding in limousines, eating gourmet food, drinking top shelf booze, and engaging in hedonistic debauchery.

Likewise we have many friends who are comedians, and entertainers. To put it lightly, the laughs that can be had in their company are frequent. We love laughing our asses off with our cringe-worthy, albeit hilarious pals.

Damn, our friends are F’ing cool.

But in our recent travels, my bride and I found ourselves amongst a group of people who I believe at least as “cool” as any of our other associations. In fact, it is us who are “fish out of water” when we are in their element. These people are most commonly referred to in the American vernacular as “geeks.”

Yeah, I know… it’s counter-intuitive. Geeks are supposed to be the opposite of cool. But that all depends on your perspective. Are they good at sports, or confident with the opposite sex? Do they dress in designer clothes? Do they get invited to all the great parties? Usually not. So if that’s your definition of cool, then no, they are most definitely uncool… but here’s the thing… if that is your definition of cool, then let me break some bad news to you, Skippy… neither are you.

But if you think that it’s pretty cool to be able to understand what Stephen Hawking and PZ Myers are talking about… of if you think it’s cool to be non violent — or even more important — to be yourself and not be afraid of what others think of you… then geeks are cool as hell. Because there’s a lot of good things to be said about people who believe it’s more important to stay true to one’s self than it is to adapt to what either Madison avenue or “cool kids” expect of them. In fact, that takes guts. That’s why I’ll throw in with them.

At a more nerd friendly event we recently went to,  we found ourselves amongst the type of people who society regularly makes fun of. Although many in attendance were indeed awkward, or even suffering from some degree of social autism, the reality is that for a large group of people, they were unusually nice, and polite. Yeah, I know, more “uncool” traits.

 The truth is, the world has a lot of problems… and none of them are caused by these types of people. In fact, many of them are so damn smart, and idealistic that I would venture to say that there is a concerted effort on their part to make the world a better place. There is a distinct possibility that the Doctor who skillfully saves lives, or the lab tech who matches DNA in a criminal lab is, or at least has been referred to as a dork. Geeks are the people who send rockets into space, and invent awesome things. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were geeks.  

Now that is cool.

So if you think that you’re cool, chances are you’re really not. The next time you come in contact with someone who is socially graceless, or whose idea of entertainment oscillates between board games and the ScyFy Channel, try cutting them a little slack. Better yet, try to get to know them a little bit. You’ll both probably benefit from the experience … and that is really cool.